I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
