i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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