She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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