dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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