saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
