2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
NoShamevember. You game?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
