The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
