glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
