I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
