dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
