I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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