Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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