OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
how drunk are you?
Several
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
