I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
