Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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