Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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