Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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