I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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