ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
