had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
