the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
