she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
