My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
