I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
