Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
