I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
