Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
