I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
