The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Randomize
