I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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