I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
