nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
