Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So much rum. So many feels.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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