Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
