How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
