i don't like sucking hair
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
