so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
