i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
