dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
