I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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