Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize