i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
