yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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