thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
