watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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