actually, I'm a sock model
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
