I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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