Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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