Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize