im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
