whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
