Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
