help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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