I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
