you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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