i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
