I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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