Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
