I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
