I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Randomize
