she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
