3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
