Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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