i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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