We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
