He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
