you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
