you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
