remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
