Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
