This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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