I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
