i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
