another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
